Man shoots off his own penis taking selfies with gun

The Valley Report

DAVE WEASEL

ST. LOUIS, MO – A 20-year-old man is in stable condition Monday afternoon after the gun he was posing naked with accidentally discharged and shot off his penis.

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“We’ve never had someone shoot off their own junk before,” the police said in a statement. “There was a man who shot off his foot, a middle-schooler shot her guinea pig, and even a baby was able to shoot both his parents, but never someone’s own junk.”

“First I posed with this bad-ass look on my face,” said the man in a falsetto voice. “Then I thought the only thing girls like more than guns is men without shirts on, so I took my shirt off. To stand out from the rest of the shirtless gun-selfies, I decided to take my pants off because I read online that women like it when random guys send them pictures of their dick…

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