BEYOND BEYOND #80 (i don’t want her to be a muse)

Nothing is Permanent

I don’t want her to be a muse! !!
I don’t want to blanket myself in the
Benign masquerade of words,fragments
& sentences-
I don’t want her to be a muse,
For a muse is attainable
And unreachable…
I want the freedom to call her,
To hang out and chill,
Find moments to relax
Catch up, watch a movie
Get on stage make others laugh,
Cry in each others shoulders,
Arm wrestle, continue telling
Each other our stories…
She has such wonderful stories,
Her mind,heart and soul
Is amziliant! !!
I was trying to escape
She pulled me back,
We got rewarded by our community
For our act…
She is the realist person I know.
To my:
Anarchy,chaos and emotion
She brings:
Logic,control and reason! !!
I don’t want HER to be a muse,
For a muse is momentary,
I want her in my life always,
As I want to…

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BEYOND BEYOND #79 (serendipitous frakenstein)

Nothing is Permanent

This accidental monster that I am,
A fierce and gentle lion
With a heart of a lamb.
I’ll eat myself to reveal myself
In a whirlwind and haze,
Pushed myself in a unlocked maze
Never to be as entered
But always the same
Since before pushed into
The agreement and agony of birth…
This accidental monster that I am,
A grotesque self creation
Fed on laughter,self denial
And myriad of buffets-
I have been graced by those
Who have come into my life,
A few rainbows
Passing clouds
And a Sun…
Next that will come after
I pushed all those away
Will be my cosmos,
This accidental monster that I am,
Cut myself from the beauty of humanity
I only ever wanted a family
Not this ache that burns in my soul,
My heart has way to many holes
I just want someone to hold,
And someone to hold me…

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BEYOND BEYOND #73 (the shame i feel)

Nothing is Permanent

I can hear you telling me not to dwell
Yet still I want the last few weeks
To disappear,
I wish I could get in a Delorean
Go back to last month
When you came up to me
Gave me a goodbye hug,
The irony in that hug
My friend,
O the irony! !!
I can’t help but think of you
Just wanting to talk to you,
It hurts beyond my marrow,
Aches to the isolated
Corners of my pathetic soul! !!
I can hear you tell me not to dwell
But it is this brutal pain that swells,
I just want to pull you to the side
And ask if it was all a dream,
I more then anything
Want to get back on stage,
I don’t mean to wallow
But I would grovel
You are a precious earth quake
And wondrous volcano
In my my still born still…

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BEYOND BEYOND #72 (TO PEPPERMINT PATTY)

Nothing is Permanent

If you are a representation
Of Georgia
And New Mexico,
Then I need
To move to either-
Because I never say
How wonderful,beautiful,genius
You are ENOUGH! !!
But I don’t it,
Because with you
The mold was broken,
There is no one
Quite like you…
I realize how lucky,blessed and protected
Because of you! !!
I am writing,
Between the fog and naps-
But I owe the universe that,
At one time screaming
I shoulda had ECT,
A lobotomy
Just so I could forget everything,
Selfishly feeling the universe
Had it in for me?¿?
When it was i,
I was the one who
Through in the towel! !!
Not the universe,God
Nor you…
Thank you
Always! !!

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BEYOND BEYOND #71(a red car on Easter Sunday)

Nothing is Permanent

A red car is a red car is a red car
Red means stop,
But I got to see and
Find
Reason
To stop finding meaning
In everything!
On Easter Sunday
A few days
After I reemerged
From the hospital
After waking up from yet
Another DEATH…
A red car stopped
As I zoned out
To Smashing Pumpkins
Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness
Listening to AN ODE TO NO ONE(FUCK YOU)
Or was it Banes CAN WE START AGAIN
but my mind and heart were open,
Not set apart …
And i, I was connected
As this red car pulled up in front
Of me?!
I thought it was a certain friend
Of mine…
…(She drove away awhile ago)
But it ended up being a Jitney
Asking if I needed a ride,
Anyhoodle!

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