At the core of my entire which pushes everything I say,think,do I am at consistent war with my grandfather. Whether childish,dumb or idiotic it is what it is. From the moment he broke up my childhood till this very second, I have been at war with Donald Archie Kingsbury!
He was a nauseating man, I still see him whenever I gaze upon the mirror-just like the void I see him starring back. I feel nothing but rage,violence and hurt!
When I see these videos it makes me sick in many ways. A relationship(ideally) is two separate individuals coming together..sharing the deepest parts of their souls with each other! There are no rules but what the two decide upon- things can be concrete,spontaneous,indifferent!
My grandfather ranted on and on and on for years about how my mom screwed him because she went for back child support. Ian and Katie deserved to have at least some monetary compensation if they couldn’t have their father. No child has any choice in being born into whatever family they are thrown to!
In moments on the streets men have opened up to me and said they were homeless because they just didn’t want to pay child support, it was at least 100 men in 5 cities over a period of 8 years. It took one to disgust me, and it never escaped me.
After my grandfather’s death, I found out that my dad was schizophrenic. After exploring if I had this condition, I really explored my past. I have been known to be scolded by friends saying my father is an example of a person who shouldn’t of had kids. I guess for obvious reasons.
The selfish stress of both my mother’s and father’s families caused them to fight, even getting to the point of knocked out dragged out fights, heads catching on fire,cars on the front lawn. It all ended in a bitter divorce, and the kids were left to the side-and inbetween.
By an extensive dramatic campaign created by my namesake of a grandfather, I was led to believe that my mom threw me out of the house and didn’t want me. Mind you, I wasn’t the easiest of children. I ran away, I stole money, I skipped school-the usual MO of a child in need of attention. At the age of 4/5 I was already contemplative on subjects like suicide,gender confusion & extreme self loathing. This was the end of the 70s, so as I acted out in school I got paddled (for good and bad) from 79-83.
It all creates a disillusion with authority,self and society. I am always full of pride in mentioning to others that I attempted suicide at the age of 5?! Even then I had the understanding that others had it worse then i did. Even when my mother would beat me,the baby sitter molested me and my grandfather ripped me away from my brother and sister.
Freud said that an individual is emotionally formed by the age of 6, with an attempt of suicide at 5 I lost all willingness to try,care or even play a part of the powerful play-I let it move a head, I was nothing more then a shadow on the cave wall.
As I became aware and connected to myself, I grew to loathe my grandfather. One of his last fragmentations he bifled to me was ” I am your true father” in that moment he might of as well stabbed my heart, he took my beloved grandmother away from me.
In it all BEYOND BEYOND this self imposed war on myself, whenever the concept of the “male rights movement” I think of my grandfather. His selfishness,his need to control, his infantile disregard of others feelings. In every man I have met on the street I see my grandfather and am disgusted.
This is my problem with the “Male Rights Movement”